Parshas Emor and its first Rashi: Parental imperatives

“And God spoke to Moshe: Speak (Emor) to the Kohanim [priests], the sons of Aharon, and you shall say (VeAmarta) to them, that they shall not defile themselves by coming into contact with a dead person among the people.”

- VaYikra 21:1

Speak to the Kohanim. Speak? And you shall say? The Torah uses this language to warn the adults regarding the minors.

~ Rashi on Vayikra 21:1

 

Rabbi Avrohom Davis, a commentator on Rashi, explains that Rashi’s initial question on this verse is on the repeated use of the verb form ‘to say,’ which is used in other places to indicate details of a general command. Rabbi Davis goes on to state that, in answer to the dilemma he raised, Rashi points to a discussion on this verse in Gemara Yevamos [114a], that concerns a dispute on the level of a parent’s responsibility to keep a child away from impurity. Some say a parent must do whatever they can to keep a child away from impurity while others say a parent is merely obligated to not directly cause the child to become impure. Rashi appears to agree with the latter, less stringent view.

This line of discussion raises, for all Jewishly observant parents in our era, a question of great importance – to what extent are we responsible to steer our children away from actions, attitudes, and ideas that are detrimental to a healthy commitment to a Torah lifestyle?  For Jews living in insular homogeneous communities like Boro Park, Monsey, and Lakewood, the answer may be easier to define and implement – they could say that a parent should shut out all possible sources of negative influence. And thus many people in those communities will severely limit or forbid contact with non-Jewish neighbors and coworkers, use of the Internet, viewing of television, and other forms of contact with the outside world.

For those of us who ascribe to the Modern Orthodox worldview, who see it as not merely an allowance but an obligation to thoughtfully synthesize the best aspects of the broader world with the highest ideals of our Mesorah (heritage), our challenge as parents is arguably much greater and, at the same time, much murkier. How do we teach our children to use the Internet but not become preoccupied with or inured to pornography, immodesty, useless gossip, violence, and other pitfalls of the medium? How do we guide them to form respectful and constructive relationships with college classmates and coworkers, and to even learn from them (when appropriate), while also fully maintaining their fealty to Torah values? What movies and TV shows are, so to speak, kosher and which are certainly treif? And how do we navigate these vexing questions with our children while also building their hashkafic problem-solving skills and their self-esteem?

The questions of how best to interact with the outside world are not easily answered in our own adult lives; applying them as parents is doubly challenging. And yet it is a challenge we must engage in consistently and mindfully.